I’ll be very honest. I try to keep myself free of having a lot of friends. I do this because I am not always willing to do what I expect for a friend to do. Yes. I admit it. I am selfish. In a way having friends is an inconvenience… but I know that I as a friend am an inconvenience. So I know that at times I need to force myself to be a good friend. So with that I know that the first indicator that I am being a friend is if I force myself to do things that are inconvenient at the time.
The second thing is that if I see that a friend is telling me something because he needs to let something that they are feeling out, I do everything I can to listen attentively. I turn this switch in my brain where I temporarily shut up my brain to take in the information that he gives. I say temporarily because doing this takes away a lot of energy for an INTJ and after we do this we feel physically and mentally tired.
The third thing is that I make time for our friends. We are willing to plan things with our friends and seek them out. I at least value planning my own things. So if I am willing and able to make time for someone else, then that person is quite privileged.
The fourth thing is that I have expectations based on what I am willing to do back. I limit my expectations on people because I know that people suck. So to minimize the amount of deception that I feel, I limit the amount of expectation on the human race. I do make some exceptions though. So if I expect something of another person, it means that I consider that person part of my inner circle.
The fifth thing is that I am willing to help them become the best version of themselves that they can be. The way I do that is be helping them do things and sharing with them what I think they can/need to do to be better over time.
The sixth thing is that I open myself up to them. I force myself to show the sides of myself that are typically hidden from everyone else. This is key because I have learned to keep a mask on at all times. Showing who I am and what I stand for means taking risks and expending energy in flexing the emotional muscles that I do my best to not use.
The seventh thing is that I pray for you. No one will really see this, but I have noticed that I as an INTJ show that I am a friend if I pray for them.