INTJ friendships

I as an INTJ avoid calling someone a friend, because the tittle of friend means that I am responsible for maintaining the interaction egalitarian. It means that I am responsible for the other person’s wellbeing at certain points in the relationship. I am not willing to do that with all people. This means that I can be other people’s friends without them being my friend.

I as an INTJ view friendships as investments. To be able to create and maintain a friendship I have to deposit/invest time, energy, and money (if applicable). I feel somewhat responsible for keeping track of the checks and balances to make sure that not only everything is even but both parties are satisfied with the state of the friendship and where is it going.

I as an INTJ view a friend as someone who has earned access to parts of myself that is off limits to most people. In fact, people can be around me for years and never get to this level. Why? Because I consider access to information part of what I invest in a friendship. If I take time to explain how I work and what I feel, it means that I consider you valuable enough for me to try something that is not normal to me.

As an INTJ, I take a really long time to admit that someone is a friend. It has to be catalized by an event or feeling that makes me realize that a person has been a friend for a while but I haven’t taken the time to realize it. Once someone becomes a friend, my attitude towards them changes because I know that I have to be willing to do things that I would normally not do with them. I have to be alert and understand when I am expected to make time for them and when do I have to tell them what they need to hear.

I as an INTJ try to not expect something out of my friends that I am not willing to give. Which is why I am always evaluating myself to make sure that my expectations are realistic when compared to what I invest in the friendship.

I as an INTJ don’t look to have a friend that is only capable of having superficial conversations. I want my friends to be able to talk about anything and everything that can be talked about. I want my friends and I to be able to show the fullness of our sense of humors and to be able to be honest and transparent with each other. I want to be able for us to feel that we can show who we are and have that be respected and not judged by the other before, during, and after showing vulnerabilities. I want for respect for boundaries but also mutual agreement in how parameters can/will change over time. I believe that as trust grows and we as people grow we should slowly and intentionally sow how we want for the friendship to change. I want my friendships to have a solid foundation, which is why I mostly take a year to establish a friendship.

INTJ friendships are… calculated. There is an emotional side of it, but we as INTJs mainly tackle it from an intuitive and analytical perspective. Being a friend to an INTJ is not impossible, but it cannot be done superficially. Commitment and patience is required for a successfull friendship with an INTJ


Introverted depresion

Introverted depression. A term used in the book “Introverts in Church” to describe the state that introverts reach when they have endured intense long-lasting social event with no possibility of escape. It’s like we present some of the symptoms of depression, but it’s really that we are so tired that we loose the ability to get pleasure out of life. We get so sad and can become very irritated, depending on the manifestation of the introverted depression. We try to hide it, but people notice it. Been there, done that.

The best way to prevent introverted depresion, according to “Introverts in Church”, is to understand what your optimum life rhythm is and practice self care. By doing this you can be most useful to the world without incurring in harm to self.


What INTJs look for in models of Christianity.

Because we INTJs are only 2% of the population, we have a hard time finding models that show us that how we want to be as human beings. Most people are not like us, so we mostly get the manifestation of the traits that we want to have contextualized to another personality type. For the most part, that leaves us on our own to figure out how being ourselves looks on us.

This is made harder because most people we meet don’t understand what makes us us. Therefore, they make efforts to make us be more like them. They make campaigns to have us be a convert to what they are. We as INTJs learn at some point that what is best for us is to have discernment and a quiet rebellion so as to not loose ourselves in their attempts to change us. We are not always successful, but it benefits us to try.

The way that I as an INTJ have been able to find models of what I want to be and represent is to find the traits in different people. I look for the following things when I seek to find a model for who I want to be:

  1. It exists.
  2. The trait is good.
  3. That the trait is valuable.
  4. You can be successful with the trait.
  5. The people that have the trait are respected in their social circle.
  6. That I can adopt the trait successfully without loosing something fundamental about myself.

I have found that it is better to not limit myself to the people who are physically around you to find models for what I want to be as a person and as a Christian. This has allowed me to find people that are the most like me. It has broaden my horizons to what is possible that fits who I am/want to be.