I as an INTJ avoid calling someone a friend, because the tittle of friend means that I am responsible for maintaining the interaction egalitarian. It means that I am responsible for the other person’s wellbeing at certain points in the relationship. I am not willing to do that with all people. This means that I can be other people’s friends without them being my friend.
I as an INTJ view friendships as investments. To be able to create and maintain a friendship I have to deposit/invest time, energy, and money (if applicable). I feel somewhat responsible for keeping track of the checks and balances to make sure that not only everything is even but both parties are satisfied with the state of the friendship and where is it going.
I as an INTJ view a friend as someone who has earned access to parts of myself that is off limits to most people. In fact, people can be around me for years and never get to this level. Why? Because I consider access to information part of what I invest in a friendship. If I take time to explain how I work and what I feel, it means that I consider you valuable enough for me to try something that is not normal to me.
As an INTJ, I take a really long time to admit that someone is a friend. It has to be catalized by an event or feeling that makes me realize that a person has been a friend for a while but I haven’t taken the time to realize it. Once someone becomes a friend, my attitude towards them changes because I know that I have to be willing to do things that I would normally not do with them. I have to be alert and understand when I am expected to make time for them and when do I have to tell them what they need to hear.
I as an INTJ try to not expect something out of my friends that I am not willing to give. Which is why I am always evaluating myself to make sure that my expectations are realistic when compared to what I invest in the friendship.
I as an INTJ don’t look to have a friend that is only capable of having superficial conversations. I want my friends to be able to talk about anything and everything that can be talked about. I want my friends and I to be able to show the fullness of our sense of humors and to be able to be honest and transparent with each other. I want to be able for us to feel that we can show who we are and have that be respected and not judged by the other before, during, and after showing vulnerabilities. I want for respect for boundaries but also mutual agreement in how parameters can/will change over time. I believe that as trust grows and we as people grow we should slowly and intentionally sow how we want for the friendship to change. I want my friendships to have a solid foundation, which is why I mostly take a year to establish a friendship.
INTJ friendships are… calculated. There is an emotional side of it, but we as INTJs mainly tackle it from an intuitive and analytical perspective. Being a friend to an INTJ is not impossible, but it cannot be done superficially. Commitment and patience is required for a successfull friendship with an INTJ