Getting thoughts or feelings of inadequacy sucks.
In me it is a pattern of thinking that happens on my mind automatically when things in my surroundings point to my not being able to do something in life. My mind automatically makes the calculation that if I can’t do something after trying for a while that means that I am incompetent/inadequate for the task. I can’t help it.
There are times where I can’t do something right because I don’t have enough experience to do that task well or have never done it before. There are times where I end up with sub par performance because of external factors that are outside of my control. There are times where the inability to do a task is a direct result of not being taught to do a task when I was supposed to be taught to do it. There are times when my sub par performance is due to the fact that the task involves one of my weaknesses.
Regardless of the reason, my mind has been programmed to think that any negative performance shows how inadequate I am. Because I analyze everything, I automatically think that I am a failure at life …that I am incapable of being successful in life.
I have kept this to myself because if I talk about this with anyone that knows me they will try to invalidate the way that I feel and will tell me that I’m crazy for having those thoughts. I keep this thought process a secret because I need to keep the appearance that everything is okay. I keep it inside because at the time I am in the situation that is triggering the thought process and I know that talking about it will cause more problems.
I know that this automatic thought process isn’t healthy. It screws with the image that I have of myself when it is in its full manifestation. It might make other people think less of me and lessen the amount of opportunities that I get in life.
I know that the thoughts/feelings of inadequacy appears when things are not going well and not when things are going well. It is dependent on circumstance. I know that it has the potential to be paralyzing if I let it dominate my life.
I know that I have a battle withing my mind against the thoughts of inadequacy when things seem to go wrong. I know that I just need to keep going and do the best that I can. I know that I need to trust that God will show me the way to get out of whatever rut I am in because of these feelings.