INTJ and the fight and flight response.

As an INTJ I have a hard time handling situations that activate my fight or flight response. I can’t speak coherently and process my biological reaction at the same time. I rather stay in silence and deal with one thing at a time.

People think that this is a sign of victory. It isn’t. My opinion hasn’t changed. If a situation happens where I think that the other person is an idiot, my silence isn’t saying that you are not an idiot. All that it’s saying is that I can’t handle the body’s reaction to threats and say what I think without screwing one thing up.

Sometimes I stay silent as a sign of rebellion. Sometimes my silence is a reflection of the idea that the other person is an idiot and I am allowing them to remain idiots because they aren’t worth correcting. Sometimes my silence has to do with my not caring about the other person or the situation at hand. I won’t waste my time or energy on stupid people that don’t want to change.

When I get threatened as an INTJ, my physical reaction limits the amount of analytical thinking that I can do regarding the situation. I may sense patterns that prove my point and know that something is wrong, but I can’t articulate what is on my mind properly. That leads to mistakes… avoidable mistakes.

Once I am in a safe place, usually my home, I can process the event properly. I can validate being pissed. Or I can realize that I screwed up and that I have to change a particular behavior. I can be angry at a person properly and be able to articulate why. I can find who screwed up and who didn’t . I usually can understand that any situation has multiple sides and that the victim-perpetrator model isn’t applicable in most life situations. Usually everyone is at fault and innocent victims don’t really exist. Everyone is part of the problem.

When fight or flight gets activated, I know that speaking my mind fully leads to more problems than solutions. It’s inconvenient because I am usually right and that threatens them. It is more acceptable for them to show emotions than for me to show logic/emotions. It is acceptable for other people to shun me down because they can’t handle it when I show emotion. When I react to my fight or flight response by fighting. That is not fair.

I as an INTJ process being threatened internally, and it takes a while. It also takes a while to move on from it. No one has mercy. No one cares. Speaking up about this in my surroundings had the opposite effect.

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The importance of a father’s blessing in hard choices.

Last week I was thinking about the hardest decision I had to make: whether to take my first job or study a master’s/doctorate degree. My biological father gave me the push that I needed to choose the job. His words when he said go work was: “you will get much more benefit from working than from studying”. I agreed, trusting my father’s judgement.

It’s been close to 6 months since I started working. I can say that he was right. He put his father’s blessing over this decision and he sort of prophesied over my time at work. As I started the job, I saw benefits that I didn’t anticipate. I was more productive. I felt that I was making a better use of my time. I started to feel sexy/confident at my second week at the job. I lost weight and went from being overweight to normal weight. I had a means to sustain myself. I went through a process of learning to handle a work environment. I was confronted with my weaknesses. I saw how awesome was this door that God opened for me. My perspective was widened. My goals in life became clearer.

When I realized this, I realized how important a father’s blessing is. My biological father has been a fundamental force in pushing me to try things that otherwise I wouldn’t try. This was the hardest choice that I have made in my life. God used my father to answer a hard question: what should I choose?

Every once in a while he asks if I think I made the right choice. My answer is now more than ever, yes.

 

What I as an INTJ do at work that’s unique.

  1. Notice patterns in the clothing that my co-workers wear.
  2. Use hashtags.
  3. Make really sarcastic jokes that takes mental energy to get.
  4. Have a harder time adapting to change, especially when the change goes against my nature.
  5. Awkwardly do goodbye’s (i.e. no hugs, kisses on the cheek… nothing).
  6. Keep quiet when everyone is talking.
  7. Analyze everything… everything.

What makes a person successful?

A person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity. This is how a dictionary would define it. The normal responses have to do with academics, professional career, getting married, or having successful children.

What really made me ask myself this question was a word that I received from God in a youth group retreat I went to where one of the preachers stated that I should consider myself successful. I was a bachelor’s degree student at the time this word came out. I had thought that I shouldn’t consider myself successful because I was still forming my life.

I knew that as we humans go through the different stages in life, the definition of success changes. From having grades be a marker of success in academia to being promoted at a job to having children be successful in life, priorities and criteria for success changes with life progression. I asked myself: What if there are general criteria for success that can be applied regardless of the stage that one is at?

The answer I came up with was that success is the contentedness that one has with where there at and where they are going. Yet when I shared this with someone, they reacted to this with negativity. So I hid this response. As I come back to this question three stages later, I see that it’s an awesome response because it is broad enough to be applicable to anyone and adaptable enough to accommodate the evolution of human beings. It also isn’t based solely on accomplishments, which was the thing that I found uncomfortable of conventional definitions of success.

I am biased, though. So if there is something that anyone wants to add that will make this better, it is more than welcome.

Celebrating holidays alone.

This is apparently something to avoid. I avoided it myself for a long time. Not because I didn’t want to celebrate the holidays by myself, but because I wasn’t comfortable with everyone’s reaction to this decision. I knew that, even though it seemed illogical to everyone else, it was something that I felt I needed to do at some point. I felt that having that experience would make me more of an adult.

The most that happened was that the holiday, New Years, lost a bit of its significance. There was nothing exiting about it… except for the fireworks display that I saw from my living room. It isn’t a crime to enjoy a moment like this by yourself. For me, it meant having more independence.

For me, New Years lost a bit of significance because for me the new phase in my life happened in July when I started working. New Years didn’t feel like that much of an opportunity for a new beginning, other than this is mostly an illusion. Maybe the way to look at New Years is that the date, whatever it is for the different cultures in the world, is a sign to the human mind to consider change for the better. This isn’t a guarantee for change in an human and a date shouldn’t restrict our attempts at change.

Celebrating a holiday alone was something that I wanted to do. I did it. Would I do it again? I don’t know. I can’t see the future.