I don’t think that this is purely an INTJ thing. It could be. I don’t know yet.
I have a fear of opening up to the wrong person. I don’t know yet how legitimate it is. I know that the origins are in the interactions that I had with my mother when she used my most personal thoughts against me. I learned that the best way to avoid negative reactions from her and anyone else is to not open up to anyone. I learned the art of stalling.
Stalling: the art of saying things that are true but doesn’t necessarily answer the question the way the other person expects for it to be answered. That’s how I have defined it based on how other people react when I do this.
I never think that I’m stalling. My take is that I have a natural resistance to really opening up, taking off the mask that I have made for my personal protection from other people. I sense the danger of stating what I truly think and I look for things to say that answer the question without stating my true thoughts. This, people interpret as not answering the question at all.
It doesn’t matter what I think. It only matters what people interpret. I always find myself responding more to other people’s reality than my own. This always makes me feel that my reality is never appreciated, never accounted for. My fear of opening up to people is never noticed. It is never acknowledged as something that’s normal that is a byproduct of dealing with people’s suckiness. No one wants to go through the work of earning my trust. It is easier for them to state that stalling is wrong and that I should change this behavior. This has totally worked wonders for them (sarcastic tone).
No human will ever be able to change my instinct. Only God can change this. So as long as I get the warning signs that I should stall, I will stall.