As I write this sentence, I have no idea how to tittle this post. I do know what I want to talk about.
At work, I have had internal conflict with who my supervisor represents ever since the first staff meeting. I noticed how the group dynamics changed when my supervisor was there. To me, it felt that there was a difference in personality between who my supervisor was and who the rest of the unit where. With every thing that I saw my supervisor do, I felt that this suspicion was being confirmed.
My supervisor would make remarks about my quiet, and reserved nature. What I perceived was that my supervisor thought of who I am as inappropriate. I knew better, but I wasn’t okay with my supervisor’s remarks because of what the comments represent in an extroverted ideal society.
So I can’t put her at fault for my subjective interpretation of what her comments meant, but the reality is that it rarely matters what she means. What matters is what I think. This is true when the roles get inverted.
This week, I have realized that what my supervisor wants out of me is to better the skills that I need to be a good Health Educator. The delivery of that message sucks. The problem with her delivery in this case is that one shouldn’t go straight to the crappy parts of another person without outlining their strengths… and after stating the things to work on emphasize that working on the weaknesses have the benefit of making the other person better, not only at their job but at life.
I know that I can make this… mental gymnastic because I have been through enough of these process to know how to analyze these interactions from all sides. This process takes a while, because I have to work with my emotional reactions as well as my analytical nature (something that my supervisor doesn’t accept as good and necessary for me).
I have dealt with enough people that manifest these opinions to recognize the patterns. Usually, I stay away from these people because I know that they are toxic to me. I can’t stay away from my supervisor. So I have to learn how to manage these situations.
What will I do with this information?
- Thank God for the process and the results.
- Not talk about this unless the situation demands it.
- Have the best perspective when dealing with the supervisor’s input, understanding that even though it doesn’t always seem like it she does want me to be better at my profession.
- Keep being myself, but look to better myself with each thing that happens. That is the healthiest thing that I can do.