Last Thursday I had an altercation with the bass player of the church because he told me to play the piano to get the tones for things that were going to be sang on Sunday. Everytime that I tried to do it except for one, he would interrupt my process of finding it out. I got tired of it, and I knew that the problem was that our processes are different. I spoke back. He wouldn’t let me complete my idea. I was so furious because he wouldn’t let me do my thing, something that he asked me to do. I knew that he was no better than me in that department because he has as many faults as me in music. I knew I had to do something because a missionary was the person that was rehearsing. I was also pissed off because I am not allowed to show anger in the church for things that matter. I knew that I wasn’t going to control my anger biologically speaking, so I did the best thing that I could do: I left the rehearsal. I wasn’t going to be around that crap.
I as an INTJ fear what my reaction would be when I am angry in public. I feel that my control over myself diminish because the emotion that I feel is so intense that I am forced to make a balance between allowing my emotion to surface and keeping control of my behavior. I don’t like loosing control. Because of this, I choose to leave the scene in order to not cause as much damage as I think that I will cause.
On the other hand, at times I find myself leaving the scene and not standing up for what is right. I think that with anger I will never win the inner battle that I have.
I wish that there was a theory that I could use to guide what I do when I get angry in public. I don’t know if anyone has figured out how an INTJ should handle anger. What I know is that I don’t want to show anger because of the inconvenience that it presents both to myself and everyone else. I also know that it is not healthy to keep anger inside until it explodes.