Giving compliments.

I’m an INTJ that resists giving compliments. Why? Because of the ethical dilemma that exists in my mind because of it. I may like the choice of clothes a person makes and want to make a compliment about that, but I don’t do it because I don’t want the other person to think something that is not in my mind… and I don’t want to seem shallow to myself.

I have a specific vision of what I want to portray, ant compliments don’t fit in it. I have resisted complimenting family in their choice of clothing or how they look at a specific point in time so as to avoid misinterpretation. When I have broken the rule, I have conflict inside because I wonder if I am saying the truth.

I have complimented things that are… different, like a good prank. For the most part though compliments in general give me a ethical dilemma.

This morning I broke the no compliment rule with a guy that was wearing a nice shirt. When I gave the guy the compliment, the conflict was there. That was less than usual but still there. But something else happened. I felt that I had weight lifted off of me. I released the biological energy associated with the formed thought. That felt good. I saw a benefit of giving a compliment. It’s also supposed to make the other person feel good, but I don’t want to think about that right now.

I realized that I shouldn’t be that restrictive with myself. Thoughts on style change and so will what I want to compliment. That’s okay. It’s okay to take the risk of stating that you like another persons choice in style. It’s okay to question whether it will be true, like I as an INTJ typically does. Yet what is important about giving the compliment is that I liberate a biological energy to someone else that is good and that is true at that time. … Now I just have to believe that this is true.


One thought on “Giving compliments.

  1. I’m also an INTJ. I’ve found it’s very helpful to give people compliments. I understand your hesitancy in giving out compliments, but our fluid opinions on liking or disliking something are a part of being human. Just because you liked grilled cheese for lunch yesterday doesn’t mean you’ll always like it or want it. As INTJ’s we have a hard time expressing emotions, and giving someone a compliment can be an emotion evoking experience. I think we could all benefit both personally and professionally from giving genuine compliments and allowing people to see us as human instead of a strictly logical being.


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