I started my first full-time job 2 weeks ago. It’s draining… to say the least. It has become a challenge to maintain my church commitments without wanting to fall asleep in the middle of them. I have had so many new experiences, without the time to really analyze them. This means that, as an INTJ, I make observations about myself and my surroundings and are not able to process them for a while.
For me, being able to work is a miracle from God. It was hard to land my first full-time job… because I am just starting my professional career and had few prior work experiences. I was and still work part-time for a non-profit, but it felt like I wasn’t working at all. It’s not that I didn’t work. It was that I felt that it wasn’t enough to calm my feelings of failure to meet standards implicitly placed by my siblings.
During my first week of work, I was asked how I was doing, what I thought about work, and what did I feel. That’s a big mistake! I didn’t know where I stood in regards to my job. I hadn’t had time to process what was going on in my mind. I did realize that I was (and still am) really naive when it comes to wordly things. I realized that working has other benefits besides the economic aspect of it, like keeping oneself occupied and productive and gaining experience in a professional environment.
During my second week of work, something came to my attention that was unexpected: I started feeling confident. Okay, so the word that I used at the time was sexy. This was a big deal, because I have very few memories of feeling sexy and confident. When I did my supervised practice in my masters degree, I suffered every mourning when I had to choose what I would wear. I had too many worries and forced myself into few options. Now I dress for work with a free mentality and dress to feel good, not just to look professional. I look at myself in the mirror and see confidence.
The most important change that I noticed was that I stopped thinking about what others thought about me and started to think about feeling good and feeling free from my own restraint. At work I am seeing a manifestation of this change in me, and this is why I have been feeling confident at work.