Last Thursday I took a risk and shared my feelings regarding the playoffs with the female youth group minister. This is a big deal because I had been burying my basketball past for 10 years… give or take. She reacted in a disinterested manner, but stayed and listened.
Yesterday, when I share with her how the Cleveland vs Golden State game is going, she makes it known that she is not interested by searching and divulging the results of the Puerto Rican primary elections over what I was saying. Got the message clear, lady. You are not interested. Way of going about it in a bitchy way.
I’m pissed. This is not an acceptable reaction for anyone, especially her. She is one of the youth group ministers. She has to react better than that. On that reaction alone, she shouldn’t be the youth group minister past this year. If you can’t be supportive of a young adult’s interest even if they are not your interests, then you can’t be the youth group minister because your reactions will screw an adolescent up.
This event only served to support my biases against women. I can’t trust her, which serves to confirm my assumption that I can’t trust women. I shouldn’t share my deepest feelings and thoughts on anything. I should do all that I can to run away from that evil. I should wear masks around them at all times.
Yet, I find myself making the type of mistake described here time and time again. This makes me pissed off at myself and at God. Why can’t God stop me from making this mistake? Why haven’t I learned this lesson after 25 years of horrible experiences in this area of my life? Why haven’t I figured this thing out so that I don’t keep repeating the same mistake? I may never know the answer to these questions. All I know is that people suck… and I’m pissed off because of this display of suckiness.