The INTJ perspective of parent-child dynamics when the child is in adulthood.

I have an estranged relationship with my mother since before becoming a legal adult (21 years old). This is a limiting factor in the parent-child dynamics now that I’m in adulthood. The most that happens is lunch with my father after Sunday School (which is sacred to both of us), playing music with him at church, and doing pharmacy related favors for my father. The idea of visiting my parents or being able to hang out with them from time to time is not something that can happen. I have accepted that with my biological parents being their child as an adult will mean something different than for people that have a healthy relationship with their parents.

As has been posted before, God has given me the chance to experience fully and figure out what it means to be the child during the adult phase because of the emerging dynamic with my adoptive parents. Both my experience with my biological and adoptive families have sparked an analysis of the INTJ perspective of parent-child dynamics when the child is in adulthood.

  1. The INTJ will notice the transition between being a minor and being an adult child.
  2. The INTJ will try to figure out rationally what is their role in the dynamic and how it is different than when/if they were minors.
  3. The INTJ will understand that being an adult with their parents implies that they are going to have to chip in when needed and be willing to make certain sacrifices.
  4. The INTJ will have intense emotions when seeing their parents age and loose quality of life.
  5. The INTJ will value the time with the parents as they age, especially if the parents are considerably older than them.
  6. The INTJ will understand and cherish that phone calls, which used to last less than a minute, will now last upwards of 30 minutes because of the new nature of the parent-child dynamic.
  7. The INTJ will treat their parents based on what they earn, not on the tittle they have.
  8. The INTJ will expect for parents to understand that trust still has to be earned and maintained.
  9. The INTJ will be honest in feedback if there is trust build up.
  10. The INTJ will still be affectionate to the parents and keep cherished childlike traditions.

2 thoughts on “The INTJ perspective of parent-child dynamics when the child is in adulthood.

  1. I am not so sure. I removed myself from a relationship with my mother due to her narcissism, abuse and my need for peace. I did not cherish time with her as she aged. Once I realized I did not need to continue a relationship that was not there, I avoided her. She died alone in her hospital bed while my brother arranged for her hospice care. I did not mourn her death. I think your interactions with your parents have less to do with personality types and more to do with your personal experiences. Perhaps, if she had taken the time to cultivate a real relationship with me, she would not have died (almost) alone.


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