Yesterday, I went to a public housing complex in PR where my adoptive parents have their main ministry in the church. I was asked to go by dad because they wanted me to listen to what was going to be sang in the devotional of a service that they were going to have in the public housing complex later this month.
Before I arrived, I decided to figure out what type of mentality I wanted to have going in. I wanted to respect the fact that I was an outsider that went there to do a job (one that I had no idea what it really entailed nor how I was going to do it until I got there). I also tried to respect the fact that it was the kids time to be with my adoptive parents. To me, that meant keeping my distance and not looking at the attention that the kids were getting in a judgmental or jealous manner.
I went in there thinking that I was going to be able to observe the process. I was wrong. I found out that I had to work with timing and melodic issues that the kids have in singing songs. I had to sing during the devotional, something that I hadn’t done in years because of my role as a musician. I had to lead. I had milliseconds to figure out how to execute each part of my impromptu tasks, all revolving around teaching how to sing selected songs with the correct melody and rhythm.
Because I’m an INTJ, improvisation and extroverted actions are outside of my comfort zone. I had to put on this persona to handle it. The other thing that happened was that as an INTJ, my goal became something different than what the parents had. I wanted to give them the tools to figure out the rhythm of any song and to be able to maintain it. In typical INTJ fashion, I thought beyond what was asked of me and decided to teach them what they needed to be able to do the work as if they had been doing it for a long time.
I still haven’t gone through the transition between young person to an adult in church who can successfully carry out a ministry or a task, even though I am a veteran musician. Yesterday’s experience was one more… proof that God was giving me that the impression that my church has of me (and that they have instilled in me of myself in terms of self-efficacy in ministry) was no longer applicable.