I am not a parent, and I don’t expect to be. That still doesn’t mean that I can’t form my own theory about parenting from my INTJ perspective. I may not be able to say what is right or even what is wrong for everyone else, but I can say what did my biological parents didn’t do with me that they should have.
When I was younger, there were things that my parents did and din’t do that I knew in my mind that they had made a mistake. They were treating me as the version of me that was in their minds which was really different from who I was. To this day, the version of me that is in their minds is different than who I am. I saw how they failed to meet my needs. My needs for a father who would play sports with me. A father that would teach me the things that he knew, not just doing it for me. My needs of a mother who would be selective in her discipline, selective in what was really important and what wasn’t. A mother who would not give negative feedback regarding my preferences in fashion, maintenance, and the expression of my being. I had a mother who placed unrealistic expectations of me, and a father who was silent about it.
I knew from the moments that my parents screwed up that they screwed up. I stayed silent about it. I stayed mostly silent about my needs; when I spoke up, I was met with criticism and shaming. They couldn’t be okay with my being outside of the norm. They couldn’t see me for who I was and who I wanted to become.
Because of this, I have unconsciously made theories of what parents should be.
- They should select their battles carefully, keeping in mind the actual needs of their child (based on who the child is showing himself to be) and on actual biblical principles.
- They should give their children personality tests, just to not keep screwing up so royally.
- Parents should not skimp on teaching their children what they need to thrive in the world and explain why they need to learn those skills.
- Parents shouldn’t place in the younger child the expectation that they are going to be like the older child, ain’t gonna happen. I agree with what Bob Hamp, a licensed marriage and family therapist, commented on being a parent. He stated that each children has to be raised differently because they had different needs and are different people. In a family, there will be similarities between brothers and sisters but they have things that are fundamentally different and the “seed of life” that is in them is unique to them. It is the responsibility of the parent to nurture the seed and placing healthy God-approved parameters so that they become the best holiest version of themselves that they can be.
- Parents should separate their wants from reality. Parents should understand that children will not keep your expectations. We don’t care.
- Parents should be realize that they will reap what they sow. Sow wisely. Take into consideration that the fruits of a parents labor would not be completely seen until the child’s 19th year of life.
- Parents should be smart enough to not make the same mistakes as their parents. Especially if they are rational people.