I was invited to have dinner with a mother and teenage child. I silently declined. Silently being the keyword. I don’t know why I prefer my silence to mean NO. But I digress.
I write about the lack of social life that I have. I write how I sometimes want to go out and be with people. Yet I have such ideals about going out that when I get offered an invitation I don’t really want to do it. I rather be by myself than be with annoying people.
It takes so much energy to step out of my usual routine that I would only do it if I find it worthwhile. Most of the time, I do not. I think of how annoying the people are, how anxious I will be, how tired I will be when it is over and I loose all desire to go out.
I don’t have enough of a social circle to have people to go out with. Most of the people around me don’t motivate me to want to be around them.
I sometimes want to go out. I don’t want for it to be so draining. I want the joy of going out without all of the pain. I don’t want to sacrifice anything to have a social life. Not having a more abundant social life might be more of a sacrifice to my health than the negative aspect of going out.