Showing my inner world.

I don’t even think about showing someone my… Holy place. That is, unless someone comes along and through his actions that he is deserving of knowing some of my secrets.

Now, this process is more subtle than rational. It just happens. Almost always.

The handyman of my church is one of those people that is deserving to know my inner world. I have no question about that at this point. The problem is that the circumstances required for me to show him my inner world hasn’t happened. So here I am, with readiness to let him see what is in my mind and no catalyst to aid in this deed. I was left to decide whether to force it or not.

I do feel a little bad that he is the only one that doesn’t know a certain part of my inner world (there are some things that I will not share). Yet life has gone on (because this is a mental process that started last year).

I decided months ago that I wouldn’t force it. God would decide when I would show it, if it’s God’s will for him to know. It doesn’t mean that the dynamic is not what it should be. It might not make a difference. For me, it is something that differentiate those that I trust from those that I don’t.

Whoever I show my inner world, I hold to a high regard. That is saying a lot, given that I tend to have a wall up with people and the gates are usually close. It’s a process where I see if the person in consideration really earns my trust and the access to my inner world.


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