I got pseudo-pissed tonight when I was going to the university where I’m taking the Social Psychology class because my mother keeps calling me and leaving messages about things that I share with my father but not with her. To put everybody in context, my parents are married but I treat them as if they are divorced. I don’t have a relationship with my mother because I cut ties as a result of conflict that we had close to five years ago. My relationship with my father is close, but there are limits because he is married to my mother.
I just find it inconvenient that my father is sharing with my mother things that have gone on in my life with her when I really don’t want her to know anything about me. She has a tendency to call when my father tells her something from me and I do have concern of my phone ringing at inappropriate times (already happen once). I also want to have control over who has access to my information and this isn’t helping me have that desire.
I am aware that me getting pseudo-pissed off at my father for sharing things about me to my mother is stupid and somewhat wrong. I am aware that I can’t just ask him to not share anything about me with my mother; I don’t think that he can help himself to avoid that. I also don’t really want to have to sensor myself with my father because I don’t want my mother to get that information. That would be cruel towards my father.
This has been the elephant in the room in my family. Us children have a pretty good relationship with my father but a estranged/strained relationship with my mother. We treat our parents as if they are divorced but have to deal with the fact that they are a package deal. We can’t just deny the fact that he is married to my mother; we can’t deny that she exists and that what she represents to us kids affects how family dynamics are. We shouldn’t have to deal with the dilema of whether to ask our parents to restrict their communication to each other for us, even though in my case my parents (still trying to figure out whether my father did this as well) have tried to use me as a pawn to restrict access and communication from one parent to another.
I feel that I’m being selfish, self-centered in my thinking, and immature. This doesn’t change the fact that I don’t like my mother knowing things about me and what is going on in my life as of late. What this does mean is that I need to be very careful about how I react to it, if at all.