I am in the middle of writing an e-book about mentorship in churches. Don’t worry, non-Spanish speaking viewers. I do plan on translating the book… eventually. I was reviewing the content that my data has on leadership and I think about Simon Sinek’s simplistic definition of leader: “to be a leader is to look out for the person to the left of you and to look out for the person to the right of you”. I think about those people that decided that it was a good idea to be around me (I don’t really know why) and how I have the tendency to not contact them when needed. I thought of picking up the phone and calling those people, but I am writing this blog instead. Why? There’s a conflict between my desire to be a good leader and my desire to be authentic to myself.
This made me think that I’m not a good leader. I suck. I try, but as much as I think I know about being a leader and a mentor I fail… big time. Take into account that my standards are really high… I don’t think it matters. One young person has been MIA since her father got sick and I haven’t called or texted. I don’t know how. I don’t know if I should. Another young person has been MIA for a while, mainly because he is a musician at another church. I haven’t checked up on him. I don’t know how without thinking that I’m screwing up more than I do good. I haven’t seen an adult in a while and I haven’t contacted to check up on him. I know I should because I have gone down this road before, but I don’t know how.
I have never found a need to. I thought that it was unnecessary for others to receive a message from me. I was never in this position. I never had to think of myself as a leader. I was just someone that was never voluntarily sought after. I was rejected at every corner, so I never developed these skills. I am also an INTJ, which kind of gives me about 25% leeway in this department.
I am starting to find out that maybe God wants me to change this aspect of myself. Maybe not. Maybe this is some weird brain synapse that was provoked by this information. I don’t know what is right. I don’t know whether to pursue this type of synapse. This might make me fail as a leader… if I am one, anyway.