As I wrote in the last post (and on others) I have had the tendency to be memorable… well, for my ideas to be memorable. As I was writing about last night’s social psychology class, I wondered how I felt about being memorable. I wondered if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
When I took a patient education class, I was constantly cited for my awesome and divergent from the norm ideas. I felt good, because at last I felt appreciated. I felt valued. It only took 24 years for that to finally happen at a somewhat constant basis. I felt proud of how different God made me from most people. I felt that my memorable ideas was my legacy, in a sense.
Last night, when I read what I had written, I saw a sort of impressed facial expression from the professor. I don’t know if he made about other people’s life histories. When the professor was speaking about his impression on the exercise, my ideas about self-knowledge were cited. My feelings were mixed. I felt good that my ideas were memorable, yet I wondered if I really wanted to be noticed. I used to like my anonymity in class. I felt that it gave me the freedom to take risks without expectations of what would come out. I don’t know whether to embrace it or not. I don’t think I have a real choice in controlling it. This is a part of myself. A part that I should not be ashamed of or hide in any way.