I don’t like showing the manifestation of my relationship with God in public. I also can’t show it in public and have it be of excellent quality. Too introverted for that. Also, manifesting a relationship with God exclusively in public not exactly biblical. But it seems that choosing not to show anything is worrying for church members that are extroverted.
I am not naturally inclined to have a demeanor that is spiritually inclined in public. I prefer to be laid back attitude with a humorous manifestation. In private, I have a flourishing spiritual life. Prayer is there, though not as high as other people state that it is. I have never thought that it’s necessary to have a ridiculously time-consuming prayer life; only what is healthy between one and God. I do include God in my quest for knowledge and wisdom. The private Christian life is what counts.
I am not on the lookout for the baptism of the Holy Spirit because it’s not my priority. If God wants me to have that, fine. I get a lot of beef because of my stance on the issue. The other reason is that I see the baptism of the Holy Spirit as a letting go of control, and that scares me.
I don’t like talking about my spiritual life in church because, as with everything in my life, I feel that I need to hide my relationship with God because I will be shamed for the status of my relationship with God. I also have the need to keep my thoughts about biblical topics to myself because it supposedly can’t include critical thinking or use worldly references. In the end, I prefer to have a private Christianity, only known to God and me.