Early this week I was confronted about a behavior that I have engaged in since I was a adolescent. This wasn’t the first time I was confronted with this, but this was the first time where my internal reaction wasn’t “you are full of crap”. The problem with my behavior is not that it is negative in essence. The problem is that I base it on one paradigm and everyone perceives it under another paradigm.
I have always had this idea that because no one knows me no one can tell me whether I should or shouldn’t engage in any behavior; that I am the only one that can know what is really best for me. When my parents or my siblings would say that what to do or not do, my immediate reaction is “you don’t know me”. This is for good reason: they do not know who I really am because I do hide so much of myself from them. The same goes for everybody else that has been “close”.
In the last few years, I have made efforts to not have so much social isolation and to be more open about myself with people that I think that I can trust. In the last year, I have let my adoptive father see things about myself that I have hidden (and for good reason). So when he confronted me about one of my behaviors, I knew that he had enough info on me to be able to make a better judgement than most other people. I still think that most reactions to this behavior is unwarranted because the paradigm in which the reprimands are based on social norms that… suck. I think that it’s stupid.
Do I think that my adoptive father has a valid point? Yes and no. Yes, because people are reacting towards me based on how they see that behavior and I am being screwed over in the long run. No, because I know that the behavior is not wrong. The context and the people make the behavior not wrong. But people suck enough to not see that.