I am at home, alone, at 8:05 pm on a Saturday night writing on a blog. As an Introvert, nothing could be more ideal. I could have gone out, but I just didn’t want to. I have gotten this brain synapse as of late. I’m just not willing to put up with unnecessary noise and people. i want tranquility and peace. Being here at home is peaceful, assuming that the neighbors don’t decide to become annoying all of a sudden. I’m at peace. I’m with my thoughts. I can share some of my thoughts in the form of a blog.
I have been going through a mental process of analyzing something that happened to me on Sunday: the bass player of my church offered to contact a percussion specialist to give me drum classes (aka try to get me to play the way that the bass player wants me to). I stayed silent because I knew that whatever reaction came out of my mouth was going to suck because as an INTJ I can’t do improvisation. I wanted to say no as an FU to him because he has the nerve to talk to my father about this before saying anything to me. I also wanted to say FU to him because what he said that he wanted me to learn was something that I had learned from YouTube years ago and I didn’t need a teacher to learn it.
This bass player is not a member of my church and has only been in the music ministry here for a year and a half. He doesn’t have the skills to play bass and guitar as the Pastor sold him to have and his attitude in the music area is similar to a parasite. He is saying covertly that I don’t know how to play the drums the way that he likes it and he wants me to change. He has gone so far to say that I should follow what he is doing in the bass. I can’t because I can’t hear him from the drums, anyway, nor do I want to because he is the new musician and he has to change first. That has been the law here since I started. He won’t change it now.
I see all of this data and I just want to resist whatever this guy wants for himself. I knew that this might not be the best perspective, so I seeked other people’s perspectives. My biological father said that it can benefit me to have this perspective, just not while I’m taking classes. I perceived it as he was stating the benefit of this opportunity regardless of the fact that it came with ill intentions. A fellow drummer said that this is an insult to me as a drummer and that I should resist. I asked my adoptive father and he said that if I say no, I will loose and have the bass player up my ass because he doesn’t like what I do and he tried to get me to be “better” and I said no. Dad also said that saying yes will benefit regardless of who is right: that if I learn something I will be better and if I don’t then he has to shut up and leave me alone.
I knew that Dad’s perspective was right. I had some trouble accepting it, because to an extent it felt like defeat. Then I realized that it might not have been complete. I can learn that which I’m taught without falling pray to an ideology that is a parasite in the music ministry. I can be in control of the outcome of what I learn. I can empower myself to take control and get what I want and not what he wants. I can give the bass player the satisfaction of an accepted offer without receiving the satisfaction in being successful in the long term goal of getting me to change my well constructed playing style.
Before I end this post, I want to make clear that this type of offer would have been more acceptable 6 years ago when I was starting the drums if it was done by someone that I could trust. In fact, I have done this similar type of action with two conga players that have played in my church by recommending YouTube videos to learn from so that what they play is contextualized to my church. I also did it with a person who wanted to play congas in the church but didn’t want a music ministry. That is the difference: the bass player wants me to play something different than what is good in the context of the church: I wanted for the music to be in cohesion… and to not suffer as much in music.
It is true that this bass player is really shady. I can play the role of victim because of his shady actions or I can have the power to choose to use his shadiness to my advantage and do what is right for me without feeling defeat of that I am submitting myself to this guys whims.