I spoke in a previous post that I rehearse big moments in my mind so as to be familiar with what I want to say when the real moment comes. I do this when I am going to preach or sing one of my songs in my church. I also rehearse possible situations so as to not be caught off guard.
This week I realized that I have more pride than I thought I did. Because I know that it’s something that is stunting my spiritual growth and my calling, I decided that I was going to take time and work at that. Last night I began doing the rehearsals of possible events and of past events where I wasn’t happy with my reaction and I realized that I was doing this all wrong. Pride was getting in the way.
I had to stop every time that I catch myself reacting in a prideful manner, which was a lot. I didn’t think it was that bad. At least I now recognize it and stop myself from having new pridefully filtered information become engraved in my mind. That’s an improvement. When I would rehearse the same events taking out every pride indicator I realized how different and how much more biblical my input sounded. It wasn’t perfect, but it’s a start.
I am still a work in progress. I am still figuring out how to diminish my pride. It’s a lot harder than it looks. Behavior change is hard, even as a Health Educator. Health Education doesn’t help as much because Christ wasn’t the foundation for Health Education, as with many other health behavior change fields. That is a part of my task: finding the balance between Christ and Health Education in my practice and in facilitating health behavior change.
I know that I am in the right track. I am thankful to God for that. That is not enough. I have to learn to modify how I rehearse for any moment, big and small, for it to be a more Christian rehearsal. I have to not automatically assume that my reaction is correct. I have to not fool myself into thinking that I am just blowing up steam so as to not do so in reality. I know that I should feel the emotion, but I shouldn’t leave it at that. Oppressed Theater, a tool used in Health Education, is not only about empowering the powerless but also about helping them find viable solutions to the problems that have them oppressed in the first place. I know now that I have to strive for this using the biblical model for behavior. Now I just figure out how this new paradigm will stick in my mind as a new behavior habit.
This part of my Christian walk will be new, difficult, and long. Which part of the Christian walk isn’t. I have faith that, by doing my part actively, God will help me incorporate a more Christian biblical perspective to rehearsing big moments.