How I have wanted to celebrate holidays.

Holidays in Puerto Rico is from Thanksgiving Day until New Years. For an INTJ, that is a nightmare. For an INTJ that comes from a home where Holidays can be a time for a family World War, one wants to be as far away from the source of the War. Up to last year (2014) I had the mentality of celebrating Holidays with family like people, usually it was my sister-in-law’s family. This to me was torture because they are extroverted… and I’m not.

This year, especially post graduation, I have gotten lazy. Scratch that. I have actually rediscovered the awesomeness of being by myself. On Thanksgiving Day though, I went to my parents house to eat with my father and sister. At the end of the visit, I went to visit my mother in her room and I was confirmed my reason to not visit the house: she lives there and I must stay away. On this day, I decided to not spend another holiday there or with my sister-in-law’s family. I decided to spend the holiday alone in my house with some of my home cooking (which ain’t a lot, because I have a limited menu).

When Christmas came around, it was hard to say no to anyone. I was at Starbucks in the mourning. In the afternoon, I said no to my father, but I ended in my brother’s house because there was an offer of free food.

Christmas Day, I went to church in the mourning and in the afternoon slept… happily.

New Year’s Eve, today, I am home… alone. I usually go to Starbucks to enjoy the quietness, but today I woke up in pain and not feeling like torturing myself to my neighborhood Starbucks. I am eating from what I cook (try to cook). I feel good to be in a quiet environment where I can think and mentally prepare myself for tonight’s New Year’s church service. This service has been done with little preparation in the music front. For us, this service will be torture. I hope my father doesn’t call me to find out if I will join him for dinner, because I hate saying no to him.

New Year’s Day is 8 hours and 52 minutes from now and in my family it is not that big as New Year’s Eve. I will not feel the pressure to be with family. I hope that I can do what I feel and eat what I want, whether in my house or takeout.

Three Kings Eve: my other brother is coming from the US, so I don’t have much of a choice to be alone.

Because of how I am and because of my Christian dysfunctional family, I wanted to celebrate Holidays by myself. I did such an awesome job (sarcastic tone). My execution sucked. Maybe next year I will get it right.

Comedy “painter’s” mentality 1

porque la bendicion no llega

This first painting is titled: “Why the blessing (God’s blessing) does not come to me?”

lo bueno, retened. lo malo, flush

This painting is making a reference to the saying here in PR: “keep the good, reject the bad”.

Both of these paintings were made during a church service sermon. I typically listen to the sermon and paint whatever I listen that invokes a certain image in my head. After I’m done with the painting, I show it to the people near me… usually my dad. After the service, I email it to certain people of my church. I have gotten a bit of a fan club going.

 

INTJ Conflicts

Thoughts about conflict is dependent on the topic. Some are more serious and others can be let go easily.

I don’t like conflict. I have to waste too much energy, especially if it can’t be solved immediately.

To me, conflicts are stupid if not solved in due time. Not stupid because of the thing that caused the conflict in the first place has lost value but because the biological and psychological elements of the conflict itself looses value as time goes on.

Having conflict for years without making efforts to try to mend it is stupid. If you try to make things better and the other person ain’t having it, the conflict is on them. You tried. If you are the one that isn’t budging, you really are a bit idiotic.

 

When I don’t react according to my instinct of bailing when I am invited somewhere as a move of politeness.

Last night I went to a couple’s house after being invited as a politeness move. I would have bailed, but my adoptive parents wanted me to go and I can’t bail on them… again. I got there and I saw a person from church where the agreement is that we have is to ignore each other at all costs… and this person saw me. Immediately, stress hormones flowed through my system and I realized that it may have been wise to just bail. It was clear that this person wanted to be away from me, but the other’s didn’t see it. The couple wanted us to be together as a group despite the behavior being manifested by both of us, mainly from this person. When this person realized that there was no hope for sex segregation, this person left.

One would think that I would feel victorious or relieved, but I felt… aware. Aware that my being there was a disturbance to the group dynamic that was the intention of the church couple. I was aware that my being there caused awkwardness on both sides, although the awkwardness is as much this person’s fault as it is mine. I knew that the best thing that I could do was to not speak because, in my mind, that would make my presence less torturous (I would have not spoken if she wasn’t there anyway, because I had nothing to say about what was talked about). I didn’t feel responsible in the sense that I am not the cause of all tension. Yet I felt sadness because my being there was going to cause discomfort to the people there, including my adoptive parents and my friend (the persons spouse). I was aware that the car ride that my friend had to endure was going to be a torturous one and I knew that I couldn’t do anything about it. I was aware that this public display of conflict and avoidance could make things difficult in the future. In fact, my Pastor (who is awesome at conflict resolution [sarcastic tone]) could tell me that I should have not gone there instead of trying to actually facilitate the resolution of tension, even though I had no idea that this person was going to be there.

I am old enough to see the subtleties of this type of situation and my INTJ traits are developed enough to be able to understand how real and grave the situation is and can become. This caused worry and the need to think about how best to react if the worst case scenario happens.

Christmas Day realization.

My Pastor was preaching on Christmas Day and I realized something interesting… to me. Even though there is a prophecy in Isaiah 7:14 that a virgin will give birth to a child named Emmanuel, referring to Jesus, God made sure that this virgin was forming a family at the time of conception (or whatever it’s called). It seems that the family institution was so important in the raising of a child that God took care of ensuring that Jesus would be born of a virgin and have a two opposite sex parent household taking care of him as he grew up.

Adoptive family vs spiritual family

As you, whoever has read the posts of the last month, would know, I recently gave my father on probation the tittle of dad. I’m still working on whether to give the wife the tittle of mom. In the time since then, I have thought about the comparison between what is an adoptive family vs what is a spiritual family. I had made this analysis in my head a long time ago, but I have never shared it… until today.

When I refer to adoptive family, I do not refer to the concept of legal adoption. I refer to non-legal, emotional, and consensual based adoption; where an adult (or two) and a young person choose to have a family type of human dynamic and social contract. The concept of spiritual family that I will use is the biblical one, where a spiritually more mature Christian takes on a less spiritually mature (usually younger) Christian under his or her wing to give spiritual guidance and covering through prayer.

When I look at these two concepts, I see similarities and differences. The spiritual parent is not there to be the substitute for your parents: no one is supposed to be that. What I really want to imply is that a spiritual parent isn’t necessarily a parent. At least what I researched indicated that a spiritual parent does not have the function of doing secondary prevention of a screwed up adult because of crappy parenting or satisfying the needs that young people have that their parents should have covered but didn’t/don’t.  In fact, I don’t think that my church even thinks of this concept when it comes to spiritual parenting… and for good reason: it’s not part of the foundation of this type of dynamic.

An adoptive parent-child on the other hand, actually can serve the function of secondary prevention because since it’s not biblically restrained both the adoptive parent and the adoptive child can make of the dynamic that which can work for them without it not being parent/child dynamic ish. If both parties are Christians, then you could potentially have the benefit of a spiritual parent and the benefit of the adoptive parent-child dynamic. My experience is that adoptive family is mentioned before spiritual family, but that is because my church doesn’t endorse either publicly.

If I were given the choice of either spiritual or adoptive parent, I would choose adoptive any day. Sure it doesn’t have the biblical vocabulary, but to me a Christian adoptive parent is a spiritual parent yet the spiritual parent isn’t an adoptive parent. I can get more from an adoptive parent and I can sow what I want in an adoptive parent, as the spiritual parent has biblical restrictions.

Accomplishing my Christmas Day dream.

This Christmas, I had a dream. A dream to give my adoptive parents the tools to solve potential conflicts in Sunday School, because it just so happens that he is the teacher’s assistant and she is one of the students… and I couldn’t just let this go without doing anything with the data. So I set out on a quest to find tools to make conflict resolution more efficient. I wanted to buy her a nerf gun and buy him a shield and baseball sized balls that soaked water and liberated water upon impact. So I went to my neighborhood Kmart to obtain the objects in my vision, only to find out that Kmart didn’t have the items in stock. So I had to go back to my mental drawing board and explore options to have the same effect. I ended up buying one small nerf gun for each and placed 15 extra darts on each bag. I also gave them a hand-written letter explaining my dream to them with instructions as to how to open their presents (so the gifts would make sense).

Yesterday I gave them their gifts and told them to not open their presents until the letter said so. I still hope that they followed instructions. I do know that they read the letter because Dad sent me a text responding to the gifts. From Dad’s response, I can say that the dream became reality: I got the laughter that I wanted as a reaction to them seeing that I gave them nerf guns for Christmas as a conflict resolution tool in Sunday School class.