Inappropriate things to do and say in a church setting.

  1. “I thank God that I can poop healthily.”
  2. “I thank God that my previous Sunday School teacher left my class…
  3. … and that I got the best Sunday School teacher in church as my replacement.”
  4. “I thank God that I am smarter than most of you.”
  5. “I thank God that I was finally chosen to give thanks publicly.”
  6. “I thank God that I live alone, because that way I can get away from all of you sucky people.”
  7. “I thank God for my awesome social determinants of health because I could have gotten stuck with crap.”
  8. Bring Costco pack of toilet paper as a donation for the church pantry. (In my church is a tradition to bring stuff for the church’s pantry on Thanksgiving Day)
  9. Bring Costco sized laundry detergent as a donation for the church pantry.
  10. “I thank God that people don’t expect much of me here. That way I can be more of myself without being reprimanded.”
  11. “He tolerated me! He really, really tolerated me!”
  12. Come into the service dressed as a pilgrim?
  13. Bring soap along side the other cleaning products as part of your donation to the church’s pantry.
  14. Bring cigarettes as your donation to the church’s pantry.
  15. What about booze?
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