So my father on probation has been on probation for about 11 months. I still haven’t taken off the “on probation” part of his tittle. Why? For one, I on principle don’t want to change the tittle till he has been on probation for one calendar year. I have this idea that I would not be fair to all the others that came before him to do this mental action before the 1 calendar year mark. Stupid, right? All of this resistance for the versions of the other people that have gone this or similar route before him that are in my mind. Seems idiotic, until you realize that I’m an INTJ ant that the world that exist on my mind requires me to take these type of steps in my mind. Otherwise, my internal world will be in a state of war… or at least rumor of war.
The second, and probably more important, is that in this particular behavior change I am oscillating between contemplation and preparation for action. Ok, so timeline wise I am in preparation for action. (Visit http://infoedsa.com/modelo-transteórico-de-cambio to understand these concepts better). I am actually willing to give him the tittle of dad, but internalized fears of things being ruined by my giving the tittle actually prevent me from doing so. I have incredibly high standards that most people just can’t keep up with, especially when actual worldly tittles come into play. So not giving the tittle is my way of keeping every possible synaptic type of programmed sucky reaction at bay. It has nothing to do with him as a person.
Most people that have tried to be my adoptive/pseudo father have failed royally because they screwed up doing their part. The problem was the these people wanted the tittle without really wanting to get involved in what in my mind was the full scope of a father/child adoptive human dynamic. This doesn’t internally help the father on probation “get” the tittle, even though I rationally know that the father on probation hasn’t reacted/ behaved the same way that these other people have. The challenge in his case has been to reconcile the contrasting data.
What will happen in the next month with regard to this? I have to either deal with changing my perspective… or just screw my perceptions and just give the tittle anyway.