INTJness Sincerity?

I would like to say that this is a response to a phone call from my father on probation. Among the things that he told me was that his wife held my in a relatively high regard because of my sincerity… something like that, I am bound to get this wrong. My internal reaction? “What? Sincerity? No way! Your evaluation of me sucks!”

As an Christian INTJ, I do seek to be sincere in my presentation to everyone (including myself and God), even though I know that there are some things that I do fake… for everyone’s benefit. So when I hear that I am liked and seeked out for my sincerity, I get surprised. I don’t know why I get the physical reaction, exactly. Even though I have been in a decade long journey to be a more genuine and conscious self, I still don’t feel that I am at the point where I can say that I have been 100% successful.

I am aware that I have extremely high standards for myself and others. I am also aware that there is one thing that is inside me that no one sees that prevents me from being 100% successful. It has a similar effect to Paul’s thorn (aguijón). It’s the type of thing that plays a role in my perception of myself and how I go about living my life.

When I get told that from God, it doesn’t surprise me that much because since 2009 there isn’t much that I hide from God. It is when I hear it about another human where I react. I do have to admit that, even though it shocks me to hear that I am sincere from another human, hearing this type of comment is to me an indicator that I am on the right track.

I will have to deal with my perceptions of how sincere I really am at some point today, just not at this precise moment.

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