Disclaimer: I don’t know whether this is an INTJ thing or not.
When someone tells me that they are doing X thing with Y person, I interpret it as a fact… nothing else. I don’t see it as something that is said to get me to tag along. My reaction in my mind is “oh, that’s cool. Have fun.” It is actually not something known to me the desire to tag along when this situation occurs. As long as the conversation ends here, I am fine.
The problem arises when the other person asks me in a half-assed way to tag along. Then the conversation becomes awkward to me. My interpretation of it is that I should not go to wherever the other person is inviting me because it is a invitation out of politeness and stupid social norms and not out of a genuine desire for me to actually tag along. I get pissed off because I have to deal with this unnecessary situation.
When this happened in my biological family, it usually happened between my father and my brother. My father would make plans with my brother and then announce them to the family. If the conversation stayed there, my reaction would have been what I mentioned at the beginning of this post, but no. My father just had to invite me. I was never a part of the plan, just an also. I thought that the invitation happened because my father had some guilt from doing that with my brother but never with me. That to me seemed shady and hypocritical, but I never had the nerve to say no. I wanted to, but I knew that doing so would cause conflict. I would go to whatever it was, but I would never enjoy it because I was an also.
When it happens outside of my biological family, I have decided to not go to the event. I still feel weird, weird because it’s not socially accepted in PR but I know that it’s better to deal with whatever bad feeling in the privacy of my own home than to have to bear it in public.
If someone really wanted me to go, then they would make sure that I had no doubts of their intentions (though I never really have doubts of their intentions, because as an INTJ I am always right*.). If they don’t, they shouldn’t even do the invitation. I’ll be fine. But I guess that is too much to expect from other humans.