When one peer betrayed common trust.

Yesterday I was at Sunday School and the Sunday School Director told me as we were going to the second floor of the church, where my class and the Sunday School offices were, to tell my classmates that he was on his way to the classroom to give the class. As a INTJ with comedic influence, I decided to say this news like so: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we don’t have to change classrooms. The bad news is that we don’t have to change classrooms because the Director will be giving the class. But don’t worry, if the Gentleman’s class 2 survived more than 10 years of having him as a teacher, you will survive today.”

I said it as a joke. I actually like his style of teaching. This is taking into consideration that he is the same person that gives me problems in music ministry.

When the class ended, the almost evangelist in the class (who is very spiritually inclined yet demonstrates that he is still a teenager in maturity even though he is 20 years old) told the Director about my comment. I got pissed off because it is known socially that if something that is said among peers is meant to stay among peers unless it’s a matter of health concerns. You don’t betray peer common trust.  That is not cool. Thankfully the Director continued the joke saying that the worse news is that he will give the class next week. This action indicated to me that I can’t trust this guy to keep a simple secret, much less one that is serious.

As an INTJ, I strive to have a say in the morality and common courtesy that I adopt even if it’s something that is socially acceptable. I need for my morality and ethics to make sense in order to embody them properly. Peer trust, even if it is superficial, is a necessary component to better deal with vertical authorities. This kid seemed to not get this memo. This kid’s actions created the unnecessary need to do damage control. When we left the classroom to go to the temple for the rest of the service, a classmate and I were commenting about how he screwed up in a comedic passive aggressive way…. about 10 feet from where he was walking. 

What have I learned?

  1. People Suck.
  2. I can’t trust the kid.
  3. And that peer common trust is really important to maintain.
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25 Things that INTJs avoid at all costs… almost all costs.

  1. Noisy children… children in general.
  2. Parents of annoying children.
  3. Social stress.
  4. Tagging relationships.
  5. Being outside for too long.
  6. Having roommates.
  7. Letting people into their inner world.
  8. Showing other people their weird thought patterns.
  9. Overly emotional people.
  10. Boring people.
  11.  Whiny people.
  12. Cleaning? Cleaning more than its healthy to clean?
  13. Crappy marketing.
  14. Waste of our energy.
  15. Waste our time.
  16. Screwing up our plans.
  17. Having someone screw our plans.
  18. Look like a stupid person.
  19. Being brain dead.
  20. Being probed about feelings.
  21. Conversations about cooking and cleaning.
  22. Hugs.
  23. Kisses. (not the chocolate)
  24. have people too close to their personal space.
  25. Making judgement without all of the facts needed to make those judgments.

Deciding to pursue a doctorate degree.

About a month ago, maybe two, I found out that the university where I did my bachelor’s degree has a doctorate in psychology. I was surprised to hear about it because I was told that there were only two programs that had accreditation in PR. I had hope that I would be able to pursue further studies in the area that I would enjoy and work at. But I didn’t really gave it much attention.

This week, I was reminded of it and I realized that this was something that I wanted to pursue. When I told my father (biological father) about this degree, I got a positive response from him and the motivation to carry on with the necessary actions to pursue it.

I always knew that I would end up here, because I have a high affinity for how the mind works. I just was in denial. In denial until this week.

I realized that I don’t think that I should study addiction psychology, even though I like the subject of addiction, because I don’t think that I would be most efficient in that environment. So I made the decision to study clinical psychology… unless God says otherwise.

I am happy with this decision. I am also happy to have my father’s blessing, even if it’s just emotionally. I have a goal with which to plan the next years of my life. I am also one step closer to my professional ideal. I can also have the chance to keep learning that which I love to learn about in a setting full of ideas and perspectives.

The death of my iPhone 5.

My iPhone 5 died suddenly today at around 3pm, PR time. That was two hours ago. After 2 years 11 months and 14 days of service, the phone had an attack and turned off, never to respond again. It was replaced shortly by an iPhone 6s.

I freaked out slightly when my phone died. It wasn’t about the iphone. It was about the lack of communication. My phone is my connection to the outside world because I live alone. If something happened to me in my house and I was alone I’d be in big trouble. At least with my phone I can call for help.

I emailed my father, sister, and brother with the news. I got dressed and walked to the nearest att shop (which thankfully is just crossing the avenue from my apartment complex) to replace the phone. My father went to my apartment to see me, but I had already left. A for effort.

My iPhone 5, my first iPhone, is dead. The phone that went through my master’s degree. The phone that upgraded the quality of my ministry of taking pictures and videos of the most inappropriate things. The phone that rarely froze, comparing to the HTC Aria, and suffered a lot of falls. Thankfully it had the protection of the Otter Box cover.

The iPhone 5 is in the past. Now I will embark on a new phone journey with the iPhone 6s.

 

How to get on a INTJs good side.

  1. Listen to our ideas.
  2. Allow us to have alone time.
  3. Don’t insist on bring us to a different social circumstance to the one that we choose to be.
  4. Don’t judge us… or at least don’t say anything bad about us… unless it’s really damaging to our health.
  5. Don’t suck.
  6. If you do suck, cause you are human and that’s bound to happen, admit it and take responsibility for it.
  7. Be respectful of our differences.
  8. Be accepting of the INTJ lifestyle (though lifestyle isn’t the appropriate way to express this idea).
  9.  Ask for our input.
  10. If you are someone important to us, don’t hesitate to push us in areas where our self-efficacy hasn’t been fully developed.
  11. Don’t be afraid of the death stare.
  12. Engage in pranking, but keep it at the same degree of prank.
  13. Value what the INTJ has to offer.
  14. Use what the INTJ has to offer.
  15. Don’t try to stick us in an extremely noisy and social situation. We won’t make it through the night.
  16. Understand that we are humans, after all.
  17. Don’t annoy us.
  18. Respect our personal space.
  19. Be honest with us.
  20. Once have gained our trust, don’t be afraid of sowing slowly things that would normally make us uncomfortable.
  21. Bring your perspective to the table in our discussions.
  22. Understand that improvisation is one of those things that we are sucky at.
  23. Be mindful of where you put your hands. Some of us, if not all, are really sensitive to human touch. If you do it wrong you will have become an annoyance to us.
  24. Make time for us and us only.
  25. Make good plans with us in mind.

How to annoy an INTJ.

This has been done before, I know. I am still doing this post because I can. How can you annoy an INTJ.

  1. Question something that the INTJ has as fact.
  2. Be an idiot… or at least do something that makes you look like an idiot.
  3. Sell the INTJ something as awesome and an adoptable idea when it is neither awesome or something we want to adopt.
  4. Give hugs.
  5. Hug us to intentionally annoy us.
  6. Question our abilities to do something that we are more than capable of doing.
  7. Don’t allow us to gain the self efficacy to do something because you think that doing it for us is a good thing.
  8. Impose your will on us as if it’s the right thing to do.
  9. Give an aura of self-righteousness.
  10. Be selfish.
  11. Don’t be courteous in things that make sense to us.
  12. Drive in a lousy way.
  13. Keep driving opinions on us that we already proved wrong.
  14. Say things about us using faulty information.
  15. Judge us negatively.
  16. Be a inefficient leader.
  17. Show intolerance.
  18. Be arrogant.
  19. Don’t take our ideas seriously.
  20. Deny our feelings.
  21. Invalidate our feelings.
  22.  Categorize our dreams or ideas as crazy.
  23. Scold us for not following your stupid social norms.
  24. Talk to us about a superficial and boring (to us) topic.
  25. Screw with our plans for the day.

Inappropriate things to do and say in a church setting.

  1. “I thank God that I can poop healthily.”
  2. “I thank God that my previous Sunday School teacher left my class…
  3. … and that I got the best Sunday School teacher in church as my replacement.”
  4. “I thank God that I am smarter than most of you.”
  5. “I thank God that I was finally chosen to give thanks publicly.”
  6. “I thank God that I live alone, because that way I can get away from all of you sucky people.”
  7. “I thank God for my awesome social determinants of health because I could have gotten stuck with crap.”
  8. Bring Costco pack of toilet paper as a donation for the church pantry. (In my church is a tradition to bring stuff for the church’s pantry on Thanksgiving Day)
  9. Bring Costco sized laundry detergent as a donation for the church pantry.
  10. “I thank God that people don’t expect much of me here. That way I can be more of myself without being reprimanded.”
  11. “He tolerated me! He really, really tolerated me!”
  12. Come into the service dressed as a pilgrim?
  13. Bring soap along side the other cleaning products as part of your donation to the church’s pantry.
  14. Bring cigarettes as your donation to the church’s pantry.
  15. What about booze?

Realization regarding my Pastor.

As an INTJ, I receive data from the external world ans analyze it to see what it says about a current situation and its implications on a broader context. The place where this is most evident for me is in my church. Today, my Pastor ordered to get rid of two cupboards. I wondered what was his basis for doing so, but it wasn’t enough for me to actually ask. I actually didn’t need to. The church’s handyman stated that the cupboards that the Pastor wanted to get rid of were precisely the ones that had no history of ever housing cockroaches. She also stated that the possibility that the bases for the Pastor’s orders were on the word of someone else in the church that might or might not know all of the facts.

This doesn’t shock me, as I have experienced this aspect of the Pastor before. This is probably my Pastor’s Achilles heel. You can tell him anything that is even remotely viable and he will take it as truth without investigating if it is true. Then he acts on this information, whether the information is true or false.

If the information is true, this fault is not noticed. Yet when the information on which he is acting on is false, there is no amount of proof that will sway his position towards the truth. That is a big problem. The actions that are done under this premise have had innumerable consequences in church. People have left the church prematurely because of it. People have lost faith in the Pastor. Who knows what else? I don’t. What I do know is that if he doesn’t work on this he will keep screwing up in his ministry.

When I see this as a pattern, my conclusion is that my word with respect to the Pastor has no meaning if someone that he esteems more than me (which are a lot of people) say something different, even if I am telling the truth and they are telling lies. It gives my lack of trust and respect for the Pastor a good foundation.

Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of good qualities that he has. If he didn’t have patience and tolerance, a lot of us wouldn’t even be members of the church. I know that a perfect Pastor doesn’t exist, and that as church members we should have mercy on Pastor because we give him plenty of our crappyness to deal with. I just think that when one knows enough to realize the facts there is a internal conflict because what is sold as a child in Christ about Pastors has been proven to be not true.

The fact is that Pastors are just as human as the rest of us. To me, that means that they can be just as sucky as the rest of us. The only difference is the responsibility that they have towards God in comparison to the rest of us. Maybe our treatment towards them should be based on the same principle: we have mercy on them because they are just as human as we are, but we also hold them accountable for the responsibility that they have. I don’t know yet. I’m still trying to look at it from a different perspective.

INTJ analysis of the future of the human dynamic with dad.

How do I, an INTJ, see the future of the human dynamic with the new dad? I don’t know, exactly. I don’t want to think that the sowing part of the dynamic is over yet. There is one thing that I actually want to sow, but I don’t want to be as explicit about it as I am getting the idea that I might have to be. I am aware that adoptive parents have the… disadvantage of having the expectation put on them that they have to be an upgrade to the adoptive child’s biological parents. With me that is no exception. With the tittle being given, there are certain expectations that I wish I can put on him with the certainty that he will accept them and carry it out.

The other thing I have to consider is what will happen to the mother on probation (his wife). She is still on probation, and my  INTJ rationality indicates that I shouldn’t give her a free pass just because dad got approved. Though thinking about it from a different perspective, she hasn’t given me a hard time about having a better human dynamic with him than with her. In a church environment where worldly beliefs persist and this type of action gets ridiculously policed and restricted, that should actually win her bonus points.

I can’t blame her for my way of thinking. I do have a bias that I shouldn’t even consider having a significant human dynamic with a female because they suck. Data from other women have shown this to be true. Even though there are exceptions and she is a different person, I rather not take my chances. That puts her in a significant disadvantage. It also doesn’t help that she isn’t as accessible. I do try to not alienate her completely, but it’s hard to accomplish that considering that she either always have a force field of other humans around her or she seems to disappear from my sight.

As an INTJ, I have to think this situation through. I also have to see how the present data changes as a result of giving my father on probation the approved Dad status.

Calling my father on probation dad for the first time.

Okay. So it was via text message. I have to start somewhere. Thinking of calling him dad vocally right of the bat was imagined as something that could be really awkward for me. This is something that my mind has to get used to and I have to be comfortable calling him dad in public (not an easy task, I assume)

So I decided last night to start via text message. Seems small and non significant, but it was a necessary step in my mind. It was a demonstration of my willingness to “say screw it” to my principles when they make little to no sense. The fact was that I stopped having a significant reason to not go through with it. So what if the probation stage didn’t last one calendar year. It’s not like that was a standard. Though thinking about other people that went through a similar probationary stage I realized that I actually took the dynamics with the other’s seriously before the first calendar year was up, so that was an excuse that sucked on my part (oops).