Today is the second time that my father on probation gave a sermon and preached content that God gave me months ago. The first time that this happened, I didn’t think much of it. This time my reaction was more intense and with a negative tone. I wondered whether this was happening because the content wasn’t coming out of my mouth, so God needed to move someone else.
Today, I feel that the popular belief that you should wait for God to open doors is somewhat of a BS belief. It’s more of a don’t do anything belief than anything else. The problem is that insisting a lot might have the same effect. It’s like I can’t win.
I also know that demographic characteristics play a factor in church politics. My father on probation is going to get more preaching opportunities than me because he is a lot older than me and he is a minister in the church. It doesn’t matter that I have more years in the faith than he does. He is seen as a adult and I’m not.
If someone tells me that I am crazy and wrong for saying that demographic characteristics play a factor in church politics, that person needs to get their heads out of their ass and see what is going on. I know that the fact that I grew up in the church is negatively affecting how much I can do there. It also doesn’t help that I’m an INTJ: a personality that is uncommon in the church and my INTJ traits are looked down upon.
Even with all that against me, I don’t want to repeat the pattern of getting something from God, not saying it because I don’t get opportunities, and then seeing someone else say the same thing that God told me. I don’t know how to not repeat the pattern, though.