Today I went to my parents first house (which they still own) to meet the contractor that was contracted (no pun intended) to do the much needed renovations. My sister-in-law wants me to move in to the house, so she is having the house be fixed based on my likes and preferences.
I play along like I always do to not cause any issues in the family, but I am scared. I’m reacting as if I will move into the house when I have no clue whether this is a good choice or not. I don’t want to screw up with my decision making, because this is one of those life skills that I never excelled at.
Most of my recent life-changing decisions have been made in fear:
- Making the deal with my sister to move into her apartment.
- Applying for graduate studies.
- Studying Public Health Education.
- Job search.
This is no different. I fear regret and making a decision without certainty of the real results.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s a nice house. I do see a the potential to make it the house that I envision in a future home. It is my father’s home, so potential negotiations will be easier than anything else that I can think of (which ain’t a lot).
I do have to say that this house has 3 things that concern me:
- Lack of security (which to me isn’t as big of a concern)
- The fact that I pretty much cut my relation with my mother and the house is in her name. This is very important because anything happens with her and I might end up homeless (not a good time).
- That the investment won’t get the desired results. This one is tricky, because I know rationally that this is emotional in nature. If I see it through God’s perspective, it’s not supposed to and I shouldn’t get carried away. It’s not like it’s going to survive the Great Tribulation.
My father is not a big fan of me living there. So I feel that I am stuck between these two contradicting sides. Of course, my father only presents me a close-minded argument against it. My sister-in-law talks about having a place of my own (but the argument is circumstantial at best) to my design.
There is a Christian idea that there is a right and wrong answer for everything, even if we don’t see it. I am not certain that this argument is true in every little detail, because it would suck to know that God will not allow us to have any wiggle room to make our own decisions (like choosing what to eat at Subway). I don’t know what type of decision is this, but where to live once we become independent as people is one of the biggest decisions we have to make. I don’t know what God has to say about this. All I know is that I cannot use my emotions and my heart to decide, because my heart is one of the most deceitful things I have.
As you intelligent people probably already figured out from this post, I still need to think this through. I need to see this decision through a different perspective. I don’t know what that perspective is yet, but I trust in God that He will help me get to the answer that is best for me.