On Sunday, I gave a recommendation to the co-pastor with regards to music: to move the piano monitor so it could face the other musicians to allow some of the sound waves to reach our ears and know what the pianist is playing (giving him the recommendation directly is a miracle in itself because I hadn’t talked to him in more than a month). When he heard it, he tried to make it seem that I alone wanted to benefit from it and tried to get out of having to do it. I realized that he didn’t get it and responded that I was thinking that the other musicians will benefit from hearing the piano and knowing what he is playing. He made a facial expression indicated that he saw the validity in what I was saying, but I know that because of the perception that I am the “youngest” and “less experienced” he will resist following through on that (the pianist is the youngest and has less years as a musician than me, but he is perceived as being better than me because he has a bachelor’s in music).
When I saw that reaction, I knew that he isn’t worth me trying to give my input. It is better for me to not waste my time and energy and just allow him to burst into flames. It’s a shame, because I saw potential in a professional alliance with him. The problem came when he tried to take advantage of it without putting the effort that he needed to put to make this work. What he ended up doing was he made himself look like a crappy person… which made him deserving of the tittle of idiot in my mind.
This type of situation, where my inputs gets question with intention to invalidate, is not new. It seems that it doesn’t matter how old I am or how educated I am or how much experience do I have in the church. What matters is whether the perception of me has changed: it hasn’t. I know, as an INTJ, that I have a lot to offer: more than everybody, including myself, thinks. I know that I’m still treated as a child in the church; treated as if I’m incapable of great things.
If I use 1st Corinthians 1:26-29 to analyze this general pattern, I can look at this as an indicator of how much God has planned for me and how great will His glory be when God decides to lift me up and carry out the greatness of His plan. I can choose to only suffer, or I can choose monitor my behavior and attitude and be grateful for this state because I can be certain that at sometime in the future God will be justified in lifting me up and proving them wrong.