Leadership… again.

In a world where leadership is perceived in an extroverted way, those of us who have a more introverted by nature have to battle with the idea that we might not be leaders. For an INTJ, as myself, leadership is a dormant quality that only comes out when everything, everyone, fails to step up competently… and I know I can do a kick ass job.

This has serious implications in my church: I am not really viewed as a leader in my church. This is because when there is a competent leader I see no need to intervene. When a leader puts me in a position to lead and there is a leader there, I find myself in a situation where I am allowed to play lead until the leader sees it fit. The leader puts me in the role as a pawn for them to perceive themselves as good delegators then because I can actually lead. It feels to me like a tug of war that I am incapable of winning. It makes me think that in order for me to rise to leadership everyone else has to not be there.

The perception of the feedback that I receive when I do step up as a leader because of human incompetence, I am told that I don’t really do a good job at it because of how I go about it, especially in my church. When I do step up as a leader, I tend to be methodical in my leadership thought process and execution. I tend to ask whether something will work before agreeing to an idea. I think about the big picture, not just how something will look. I think about the most efficient way to get a job done. I tend to impose myself in that role like a alpha male imposes himself after a previous alpha male is gone (not the best strategy, I know, but I have no choice at times).

After some thought, the leadership style that I like to embody is a behind the scenes, “sitting like a boss”, Moses from the Bible type leadership. A leadership where I may actively lead the participants of an event prior, delegating tasks based on the human resources available. During the event, though, I would prefer to sit silently on the sidelines, being aware and responsible for the result of said event. A type of leadership where silence is a sign of agreement and consent for what is transpiring in front of my eyes.

This type of leadership that I’ve described exists somewhere, but it just doesn’t seem to be promoted as something that a young person should adopt right away. It seems to be sold as something that should be reserved for “adults” in high leadership: for those who have made it.

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