Trust as a child. Trust as an adult.

When I was a child, because there is no real consciousness of trust it becomes easier to actually trust others. Why? I assume that it is because of the lack of back-stabbing experience that childhood provides.

I look back at my childhood and I wonder how I could keep trusting people that treated me like crap. Why did I keep putting things of mine at risk with people that would not live up to the appropriate societal expectations with me? I can only come up with two answers: I didn’t know any better and I had no other choice. Everyone around me screwed up in a royally sucky way. Family, school, church: none were the exception to this reality. Yet, as a child, I was forced not only to tolerate them but to treat them as if they were deserving of respect and honor. They screwed up and not only take no responsibility for it but also expected for me not to hold them accountable and give them negative consequences for those actions. If I wanted to not interact with these people because of what they had done, then I am the evil person because I was doing something human. I had to make friends with them, I had to work with them, I had to treat them like family, and I had to be fake to at least make myself likable to them. I had no choice but to trust the source of my pain and as a Child I had no power to change that.

As an adult, I’m still expected to trust the source of my pain in the family and the church environment, yet I have enough power and authority over myself to not follow the expectation. I can choose not to associate myself with crappy sucky people and I have the freedom to search for the group of people that makes me feel respected, valued, useful, honored, and safe. I can hold people accountable for their wrongdoing.

As an adult, I have a clear understanding of what trust is, the value that it really has, and what type of person is deserving of my trust. I will not settle for being around sucky people when there is a better option. I know what to look for. I am empowered to trust.


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