The relationship between my thinking and feeling function.

I have been able to understand the relationship between my thinking and feeling function through human dynamic formation. I secretly want to have certain human dynamics- parent-child, friendship, others- because I want healthy human connection, but I don’t want to be vulnerable and risk being hurt because, well, humans suck. When I get the impression that a human interaction can evolve to a human dynamic, I get exited to have a friend, adoptive parent, relationship, etc. to let in my inner circle. On the other hand, I know that people suck and rationally it seems better to sabotage a promising dynamic than to engage in it.

I can’t deny that the people that were around me in my childhood and adolescence had no intention of actually working to have a human dynamic with me and, therefore, had no problem in treating me like crap. People say that they care and show it… until it conflicts with their emotions and selfish desires, then they screw me over.

In every environment and in every phase in my life this was the truth. Based on the data acquired by my experiences, the logical way to live is to want no human connection. Emotionally speaking, though, I wanted to find a group of humans that would be the exception of the pattern of human interaction.

It has taken me 23 years to be at an environment and around people that are the exception of this pattern. My reaction to the idea of successful human dynamic formation is slower to change. It takes a year of trying the other person to take them seriously and maybe more to state in my mind that they are my friend, adoptive parents, and others. Even then, I fear taken advantage of or being the expendable thing in the other person’s life.

When I analyze this pattern of reaction when a new human dynamic using the INTJ type description, I realize that the phrase “the thinking function serves as the feeling functions older brother” is accurate.

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