My… “relationship” with what other’s think of me.

Fact: I think way too much about what other people think about me, my behavior, my thoughts, and my ideals.

Many voices speak up against this mentality being internalized and manifested in human beings. I would think that this idea is true if it could be applied successfully in the world. In practice, our social mask is made of our attempt to fit in a crappy social mold that is supposed to guide us into having a successful life and social acceptance. Some of us admit this fact, and we are made to look stupid, damaged, and unhealthy people. But I know better than to believe this.

Reality is that we use the “what will other’s think if we do x” filter is healthy if used in moderation. Going above and below this acceptable standard is not. The problem is that we are not necessarily taught what the standard is, so we are left to our own devices to figure it out. Many people guess wrong, and they pay for it. This standard is sold to be static in nature, but I know better. Why? Because I’m an INTJ and I dissected this idea and found out that it wasn’t true. The acceptable application of this filter is base on several things:

  1. Culture.
  2. Sex.
  3. Age.
  4. Mental Health.
  5. Physical Health.
  6. Family upbringing.
  7. Personality type.

I’m pretty sure that a serial killer (like Dexter Morgan) has to think more about other people’s perceptions of him if he wants to survive in this society than the average Joe. That doesn’t mean that the serial killer is more unhealthy than the average Joe. (So this wasn’t the best example)

It is true that I just finished watching Dexter on Netflix last night, which would explain the example used. But I Identify with Dexter Morgan’s need to have a fake day life to mask his serial killer nature, but not because I am a serial killer. I need to fake it because I am an INTJ… and other people are not. I need to fake that I’m into things that I don’t care about. I need to fake a certain mentality and that I have a certain perspective that is foolish to have. I need to fake that I follow a standard that is not my own. I need to fake having an interest in having a life outside my mind. I need to fake being a friend. I need to fake normalcy.

It’s because of my awareness of my being outside of the social norm that I have to think about what other people might think… what other people expect of me. I do this because I need to balance following the social norm and being me. When I identify my non-identification with the social norm and my having to act as if I do, the receptor of this message gives his version of this response: “What you are doing is stupid. You shouldn’t worry about what other’s think of you. You shouldn’t straddle far enough to have to think about faking it. Your mentality and your being is wrong”.

I don’t want to think about what other’s think of me, but my survival in this world depends on it.

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