For years, I thought that there are parts of me that are fake. I tried to not do those thing for which I accused myself of being fake (Yes, people, I am my worst critic), but I end up acting things out that don’t represent me (like being a friend or caring for someones well-being when I don’t). In this case, I fake it for personal benefit or to keep certain moral codes. I used to think that healthy human dynamics were a fantasy and that faking it was the best that I could do.
Yet if the person and the context is right, I am capable of developing feelings that are real and well founded (which is hard to achieve in my mind). So when the right person and the right context started happening (I mean healthy friendships and other human dynamics) I was forced to deal with my preconceived notion that I wasn’t capable of these things called feelings.
What I think is going on now is that I am obtaining knowledge about how human dynamic work and how I work when a real human dynamic happens and that I am learning to accept this as a different facet of who I am.