As an INTJ, I have dealt with bullying and social exclusion in every social sphere that I have been a part of. It seems that I got a Master’s degree on bullying and social exclusion management along with my Master’s in Public Health Education. It’s kinda ridiculous! The constant experience of some sort of bullying and social exclusion for who I am, for what I stand for, and for what I do (or don’t do) in every environment made me censor myself from everyone, including myself.
I would analyze the data that the external world provided and the main conclusion that I came to was that I couldn’t show the world who I was; that if I were to receive the acceptance and respect for who I am that I crave I needed to not be myself. This led to isolation and to me not living my life to the fullest. I used to think that being alone (in my room when I was living with my parents and in my sister’s apartment in recent years) allowed me to live without judgement or censorship, but it doesn’t solve the problem. What I ended up realizing is that if I didn’t learn to accept myself as I am then I wasn’t going to feel ok with being truly myself anywhere at any time. I needed to look at the essence of who I am and see the good and the value in it.
Now I ask myself the question: When and where can I be myself? The answer: At the moment and the place where I am allowing myself to shine without censorship, regardless of whether I am alone or with others.