Update on the music situation: I’m being forced out of the drums today by the co-pastor, who apparently had approved for her to play. I stood my ground with him as a 6 year veteran musician because what he is doing is wrong (it violated the order of musicians and he was going over the pastor’s word), but he is using power to force this into being. As of right now, 28th of july 2015 at 5:27pm, I will not play tonight and I will have to start making some serious decisions regarding how I will operate in the church.
This situation has forced me to have to work through emotions that I don’t understand and have a hard time managing (being an INTJ and all). I can rationally make some decisions and know what is right, but I have a hard time keeping my biological reaction in check. This conflict drains my energy and that causes me to want to isolate to wait for things to mellow out. In this situation this wasn’t possible.
This situation hasn’t been the only one where I have had to push through emotional situations to get certain things done; usually, though, the situations are on one aspect of my life and the things that I have to do is in another. In this case, both were in one aspect. This made the music situation harder. I can’t just isolate.
I don’t like to make important decisions in emotional turmoil. I like to cool down (if I can), think of things from all sides and make a decision. Here that hasn’t happened. I don’t like making life style altering decision like this. It feels that I’m given no choice but to make them.