Being a friend and calling someone a friend

The long description of how INTJ make great friends (sarcastic tone) is on the following link: Here I want to point out something that might or might not have been stated in the link.

When I think about being a friend, the first thing that I think of is what is the appropriate theory to handle a specific situation. Whether it’s listening (which I do a lot of), making (some) people laugh, or just saying things like it is, I like to be able to rationally be a friend. I don’t have a problem with this, because it’s my go to method of understanding the world. What I end up realizing is that I don’t consider most of the people to be my friend. This usually ends up in a conversation where they make known to me that I’m their friend, but in my mind they are not mine.

It really takes a lot to consider someone for the tittle of friend; much longer to award a person the tittle. It takes from 6 months to a year to take a dynamic seriously (depending on who sows it) and x time to start struggling to NOT call them a friend. In the mean time I can react like a friend and treat the other person as if the dynamic is real just to play along.

This course of action makes me seem like… a liar. In my mind, the worst moment is when I am called a friend. It makes me want to sabotage “everything that I’ve worked for”.

When I really don’t care about the other person, this process feels bad, but not enough to stop. When I do care about the other person, things get complicated. I want to put them in a category or give them a label that isn’t friend, but is in agreement with what the dynamic is, to be able to bypass this process. However, when I start to struggle with not calling this other person a friend I realize that I can’t bypass this process any longer and that if the answer is yes the danger of the dynamic not surviving because of my high expectations becomes all too real.

I have called some people friend. Most have been lies; two have not. One screwed me over. The other doesn’t know.


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